||[May. 7th, 2007|01:48 am]
|||||Cher - The Shoop Shoop Song (It's In His Kiss)||]|
Well isn't this just lovely? You know, up until I met Kaie, virtually no one was attracted to me. Like, at all. There was only Tass, and much as I love the girl, that *was* just online. What she saw of me was carefully posed pictures, most of them photoshopped to remove blemishes.
Now, suddenly, things are getting goddamn confusing.
On the one hand, there's a girl I want to date. I know she likes me, she's just nervous to get into a relationship with me because of certain aspects of her personal history. I can understand that completely, and I don't want to pressure her in the least. The way I see it, if she's worth my time to actually date, she's worth waiting for.
However, she's got this one guy all over her, and she's doing nothing to... discourage him, per se. I know she likes me, but I think she likes him too, and it's really thrown me for a loop - largely because I've invested so much time in getting her to open up, caring about her, taking care of her, and he seems to be the one reaping the benefits. While not generally given to extreme jealousy, I really wanted to push this guy away and 'claim' her - which would not have been cool and would have been pushing many, many boundaries, which is why I didn't do it. But I wanted to.
On the other hand, there's a woman who really likes me. I mean, really, really likes me. She's got to in order for a... what, thirty? year old woman to actually pick up the phone, make as if to dial a number, and hang up before she can. Especially this particular woman. There is absolutely no mistake that I'm attracted to her as well; she's absolutely gorgeous. Not to mention, she's an absolute sweetheart. That, and I could be in a relationship now - and I'm bloody tired of being single.
But she's in an open marriage, meaning that if we were to start dating, it could never go anywhere. I could never follow the path that I want to with her. I can't do the whole marriage and kids thing; it wouldn't work.
So what the bloody hell am I supposed to do? I like both of them; part of me even wants to be with both of them. On the one hand, I have no real forseeable future with the older woman, but I may not even have a present with the girl.
I'm bloody lost and confused, and don't know what to do.